Sag, You're It!

Here comes another birthday, and with it, comes the terrorizing thought of getting older. I remember when I was younger, teasing my parents about their age. Now my daughter, 17, lovingly calls me "the old lady". *Sigh

I am back and forth on how I should be feeling. Proud that I made it through a tough life. Sad that I had to. Happy that I am aging somewhat gracefully. Pissed knowing that I am no longer the hot chick at the bar. Grateful that I once was. My list can go on and on...

Thinking positive, or trying to, I know I have many beautiful memories I carry with me. But I fear as I get older I will lose them.  There are many moments when I wish I could remember something, a place in time, and I can't, no matter how I try, to re-live those sweet moments in my head.

I see my parents, struggling, living on social security, still happy and content with what they do have. I think partly because they came from a different generation, when struggling was somewhat normal. I wonder if I will age as wonderfully as my mother has. I wonder if I will be grumpy like my daddy. I take that back, I know I am grumpy like my daddy. 

There was a time I told myself I wanted to die before I got old. Now I am (almost) old and I know I don't want to die but in a weird way one part of me has. I am a new person. An entirely new being. I am not happy about it, yet.

Reflections of a skinny past

Last night I had a moment of reflection. Just a few short years ago I was skinny. Oh not abnormally thin but I never really had to sit back at my plate and wonder "should I be eating that?". With the pregnancy of my youngest child I gained weight normally and with great pride I told everyone how after my two other children I went back down to a size three in no time. Well it's 2 and a half years later and I have not lost any of it, in fact I have gained...and gained. Karma is a B***h.

My closest has a section of clothes scrunched to the far right side of my closet that used to fit me. These are only the few things I refused to give up. I sent about 7 bags to our local Goodwill about a year ago.

Now I wonder why I gave up. I am ashamed I haven't at least tried to diet or take a walk for goodness sake! My lack of motivation is annoying. I do have some experience with exercise, in college I took physical conditioning, weight lifting I & II, I know the deal. I have no excuses. But I still sit on my comfy couch and watch the biggest Loser with awe. I say to myself, if I had a personal trainer and the money I could do that too in no time at all. Wishing, waiting, for some weight loss genie to appear and suck all the fat off my ass. Well no more. I have given up on the fat sucking genie and I guess I will have to do this all by myself.

How? Baby Steps. I will walk tonight and tomorrow and move my ass until it shrinks. That's my plan so far.

I welcome any suggestions...

Lifes Little Vampires

Somehow each day I feel life being sucked out of me, just a little at a time. I love my family and my 1 friend, don't get me wrong. But when do you draw the line?

When you tell someone, I am tired, frustrated, burned out, etc... and the response from them is to proceed to go on and on about their own problems. I do want to be helpful, empathetic even, but I am not. I listen and say I understand but I am not really listening and I feel guilty for not listening.

What do you tell a person in this case? When you want someone to just listen and not throw more baggage on you than when you started the conversation? Maybe they don't want to hear you as much as I don't want to hear them.

Do you know someone who will try to "up" you everytime? Like when you say something like "I feel so bad today "and they proceed to tell you how they feel worse than you?

I can understand this could be the case once in a while but everytime? Give me a break.

I am so ready to change my phone number.

Honeys and Bunnies

Spring is here and along with the warmth, the rain and pollen come little rabbit spawn. This past week I have located somewhere between 10 and 15 of the cutest little bunnies hiding along my fence line and in my bushes and cozy thick grass.

My husband went out yesterday to mow & trim the yard. I was horrified. I walked all along the fence line and was so worried I may have missed one, they are so tiny and they don't run. They stay still in fear.

My husband made a comment about having to cut the grass and he wasn't going to NOT cut the yard because of some rabbits. I was sad, how could he be so heartless?

Then from the back sliding glass door, I spotted him. Looking all through the yard and along the fence to make sure he didn't hurt one. Carefully he mowed slowly and away from the edge. I was so happy and proud he wasn't the heartless ogre he made himself seem to be after all.

Hey Ya'll, it's my First Time!

Hello Ladies! I am new to this place and well, what the heck do you say on an introduction? I plan on using this space as my personal soapbox to share, vent, and release any  crazy pent up energies (good or bad).

I am a rockin' mom and a great wife. I live in Round Rock, Tx but a native of San Antonio. I have recently become a stay at home momma after working while raising two older children (17 and 18) and another little one now 2.5 (yes, you read that right...).

Now is my chance to give my little one full on momma attention. I am so thrilled I survived the first month and estatic that I learned I can still have time to myself to read and write here. I don't miss "work"  like I thought I would, everyone told me I wouldn't like it, that I was used to working a desk job...nope, they were WRONG! LOL!